HAHA jk I've always wanted to say that but it sounds so friggin cheesy :)
As people say "Life must go on" and "you just gotta pick yourself back up and get going" and all those wonderful platitudes. While they may be true they seem a bit trite to me most days. But I guess I am trying to move on and get going with life again. I am working on the soon to be nursery, and by soon I mean anywhere between now and the next 5 years :). That has been nice. I got a really cute bedding set and a crib and a glider. Now I just need to save up some $$ so I can get a small book case and also the changing table.
Also I have been introduced to the wonderful world of Amish Friendship Bread :) Which might I add is the DEVIL! It is so yummy :) The only problem is I am going to end up as big as a house since the way it works you are making this yummy bread every 10 days....
On the adoption front things are going, thats about all I can say. I never here from our case worker so I don't know if things are good, bad or indifferent at this point in time. All I know is if I could bottle up my frustration and sell it we'd have a 100 babies by now ;)
I am also in the process of becoming a surrogate mom to a new little puppy. I'll be completly honest, I am scared outta my mind. And I also feel a little bit not guilty but an emotion similar to that. I really want to have a little heartbeat around the house to keep me company but at the same time I just don't feel l ike it should be anyone but Maggie. I don't know what to feel anymore. I guess I will jsut go into it with my heart open and not guarded and see what comes of it. I do know that if anything should happen to this little puppy like things have happended to our other dogs where they pass unexpectedly then I'm done. I am keeping Brutus but no more dogs after that. I just don't think my heart could handle it.
But for now I will focus on the words of a little self help quote that always got me through rough times before.
Today is going to be a great day.
I choose to be happy.
Things don't get better by worrying about them.
I choose to be happy. :)
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
My Sweet Maggie
Well as most of you know Maggie passed away. I ended up taking her into a different vet for a second opinion. (I had taken her in to a different vet twice and they just kept telling me it was a bug. They did blood work and x rays but they showed nothing major) The minute I walked in they whisked her away and into the back. The doctor came and sat down with me and asked what was going on. I explained about going to the vet and so on and that she was current on all shots . (by the time we got there she was foaming at the mouth) He went back to work on her and came back out shortly and said that her temp was 106 degrees and her heart rate was over 200. He asked me again about rabies and I told him that she was good. So he went back to work on her and came back out a little while later and said that with her eyes being so abnormal and not responding to light or movement and with the high temp he was certain that she had brain damage and that she was probably not going to make it. I pretty much just broke down right there in the waiting area and the receptionist quickly found me a room.
The doc came into the room and said he would like to repeat blood work since her condition had gone down hill so fast from the day before. It came back as normal as the first set. He then started asking greg and I questions like had she got into poison/fruits/nuts/bones and so on. The only thing I could think of was a small cut she had got on her paw. I thought it was from a sticker that had gotten stuck in her paw but we never found it. The doc started wondering if it could be a black widow bite because she had 18 of the20 symptoms. He said he would like to transfer her to a crictal care unit that was in Salt Lake because they were the best so I said ok lets do it. He ended up calling the doc on call up there and talking to her and she said it sounded like tetanus. But that she would have everything ready and would be waiting for us.
So Greg and I hauled ass to the critical care place all the while I just sat there with her in my lap with the AC on her trying to keep her temp down. When we got there the doc looked at her and confirmed what she thought earlier . She said she wanted to keep her a couple of days and to get an IV in her along with the antitoxin and muscle relaxers. So we paid our deposit and went into the back to say good bye to her.
I cannot begin to describe the feeling I had. I had felt a small ray of hope but when I saw her in the kennel on her side with her little legs stretched out shaking and more foam coming outta her mouth it was all I could do to keep it together for her. But I bent down and loved on her and told her I loved her and that she needed to be a good girl and that I would see her tomorrow. Greg then bent down and did the same and she looked up at us with so much pain in her little eyes it just went right through me.
Leaving her there was the hardest thing. I just wanted to sit by her side and love on her and comfort her. I got a call about an hour after we got home but missed it because my phone had died, It was strange because as I was walking up the stairs to put it on the charger I had all but decided to call them and see how she was doing because I kept getting the overwhelming urge to call. When my phone turned back on I had a voicemail. I called my voicemail and it was the doc saying that her temp had spiked to 110 degrees and that she was going into cardiac arrest and she didn't think she was going to make it.
I called them back as quick as I could and they patched me through. After what seemed like forever the doc came on and said I'm so sorry but we lost her. Her temp just went up to high and they couldn't get it to come down and she through a blood clot and she just passed away. All I could think to say was What do I do now? You just told me that my baby has died what am I suppose to do now? She said we were more than welcome to come up there and get her for a private burial or that they could cremate her. I didn't know what to do it was so surreal so I asked if I could call back.
I got off the phone and looked at greg and just broke down. He was so upset, he had wanted her to pass with us not on a table. We both just sat there and cried and I fiinally told him what she had said and so we called them back and asked them to please cremate her and to get her little paw impression in clay as well. I then asked if she would be ok there until they came to pick her up and the nurse assured me she would be fine.
The vet just called me while I was typing this and said that she would be picked up today and asked what I wanted to be ingraved on her urn. It took me a minute because I shouldn't be doing this, she should be recovering. I shouldn't be planning to have my baby cremated. I finally told her what to put on there and she said that we could come pick her up in 3-5 days... I just feel so empty.
The doc came into the room and said he would like to repeat blood work since her condition had gone down hill so fast from the day before. It came back as normal as the first set. He then started asking greg and I questions like had she got into poison/fruits/nuts/bones and so on. The only thing I could think of was a small cut she had got on her paw. I thought it was from a sticker that had gotten stuck in her paw but we never found it. The doc started wondering if it could be a black widow bite because she had 18 of the20 symptoms. He said he would like to transfer her to a crictal care unit that was in Salt Lake because they were the best so I said ok lets do it. He ended up calling the doc on call up there and talking to her and she said it sounded like tetanus. But that she would have everything ready and would be waiting for us.
So Greg and I hauled ass to the critical care place all the while I just sat there with her in my lap with the AC on her trying to keep her temp down. When we got there the doc looked at her and confirmed what she thought earlier . She said she wanted to keep her a couple of days and to get an IV in her along with the antitoxin and muscle relaxers. So we paid our deposit and went into the back to say good bye to her.
I cannot begin to describe the feeling I had. I had felt a small ray of hope but when I saw her in the kennel on her side with her little legs stretched out shaking and more foam coming outta her mouth it was all I could do to keep it together for her. But I bent down and loved on her and told her I loved her and that she needed to be a good girl and that I would see her tomorrow. Greg then bent down and did the same and she looked up at us with so much pain in her little eyes it just went right through me.
Leaving her there was the hardest thing. I just wanted to sit by her side and love on her and comfort her. I got a call about an hour after we got home but missed it because my phone had died, It was strange because as I was walking up the stairs to put it on the charger I had all but decided to call them and see how she was doing because I kept getting the overwhelming urge to call. When my phone turned back on I had a voicemail. I called my voicemail and it was the doc saying that her temp had spiked to 110 degrees and that she was going into cardiac arrest and she didn't think she was going to make it.
I called them back as quick as I could and they patched me through. After what seemed like forever the doc came on and said I'm so sorry but we lost her. Her temp just went up to high and they couldn't get it to come down and she through a blood clot and she just passed away. All I could think to say was What do I do now? You just told me that my baby has died what am I suppose to do now? She said we were more than welcome to come up there and get her for a private burial or that they could cremate her. I didn't know what to do it was so surreal so I asked if I could call back.
I got off the phone and looked at greg and just broke down. He was so upset, he had wanted her to pass with us not on a table. We both just sat there and cried and I fiinally told him what she had said and so we called them back and asked them to please cremate her and to get her little paw impression in clay as well. I then asked if she would be ok there until they came to pick her up and the nurse assured me she would be fine.
The vet just called me while I was typing this and said that she would be picked up today and asked what I wanted to be ingraved on her urn. It took me a minute because I shouldn't be doing this, she should be recovering. I shouldn't be planning to have my baby cremated. I finally told her what to put on there and she said that we could come pick her up in 3-5 days... I just feel so empty.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Me and Greg
