Wednesday, September 30, 2009
For my Ava...
Today Sept. 30th was supposed to be a happy day. One with joy beyond comprehension. But for some reason that I guess I will never know I was not allowed to meet my angel today. She left and went back to heaven March 12, 2009. That was 6 months 2weeks and 4 days ago. Everyday without her has been like having my heart ripped out over and over and over again. I don't want to feel this pain anymore I just want to hold my little angel in my arms and kiss all over her sweet baby face. At this time I thought my anger towards what had happened would lessen but the opposite seems more true. I have grown angrier day by day at not only myself and my poor spouse but at everything around me. Nothing holds the joy that it once did. I wanted so badly to be pregnant before this day arrived. I said numerous prayers, followed TTC guildlines to a T, hit the right days watched what I ate,drank. and nothing, nothing at all. I feel so empty, lonely, and sad most of the time. I try my best to keep it to myself but I just miss my little one so much it hurts, Sorry to be so down but it's hell being positive when all you wanna do is cry. So today little one which I have named Ava, I know it was to early to know for sure but I just "felt" that you were my Ava. I love you more than anything in this world. My heart is yours, I miss you and don't know why we were asked to seperate but you can bet on one thing, when I get to heaven you will never leave my side again. I am sorry if you have to see mommy cry but it is just because I miss you so much! No one has ever been more loved than you my sweet, darling, Ava. I love you.
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Me and Greg
Dearest Laura, My heart goes out to you. It's hard to beleive, but I have been there. I rememeber the raw pain. I hurt for you. I love you and Greg and my prayers are with you. I know happier days will come. Faith precedes the miracle.
ReplyDeleteThank you Liz. I know you have been there and trust me it's a place I would rather not be that is for sure. Thanks for your kind words, I will pass them along to Greg.
ReplyDeleteFootprints
ReplyDeleteOne night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, He looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.
This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.
The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
Hey, I remember you saying something about being pregnant on facebook a while ago but had no idea what happened. I am so sorry and I realy hope you can get pregnant again soon. good luck!
ReplyDelete